The Lord who calls us to love is already at work within us, teaching us to depend upon Christ as we care for one another.
When Willingness Fades and We Learn to Love from the Life of Christ
Romans 12:1–13 | Philippians 2:12–13 | John 15:4–12
There may be someone you have been meaning to call.
You know they have been going through a difficult time. Perhaps you even promised to get in touch. You thought about calling yesterday, but by the time evening came, you were tired and wanted a little time to yourself. You told yourself you would call tomorrow.
Now several days have passed.
You still care about this person. You would be glad to know they were doing better. Yet when you imagine picking up the phone, something within you seems reluctant. You wonder how long the conversation might last or whether they might need something more from you.
And then comes another uncomfortable thought. Why am I finding it so difficult to do something I know would be good?
Perhaps the same question has been troubling you in other areas of your Christian life. Things you once did gladly have begun to feel like obligations. You still believe in loving your neighbor, encouraging fellow believers, and caring for those who are struggling. Yet somewhere between knowing what is good and actually doing it, your willingness seems to have faded.
I think many of us have experienced this. And when we do, we may be tempted to examine ourselves rather harshly. We wonder whether we have become selfish, whether our love has grown cold, or whether we are failing to live the Christian life as we should.
Scripture invites us to consider these questions honestly. It also gives us reason to come before our Father with hope, because the God who calls His children to love is already at work within them.
The Mercy That Comes Before the Command
When Paul writes to the believers in Rome about serving one another, he gives them a remarkable series of instructions.
He calls them to genuine love, brotherly affection, generosity, hospitality, and perseverance. In the middle of these exhortations, we read:
"Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." (Romans 12:11, ESV)
We could read that verse by itself and immediately begin measuring our enthusiasm. We might remember how eagerly we once served and wonder why we no longer feel that way.
But Paul has already told us why he is appealing to these believers, and understanding that matters enormously.
Romans 12 begins with these words:
"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God..." (Romans 12:1, ESV)
That little word therefore invites us to remember everything Paul has been explaining throughout the preceding chapters.
He has told us about our need for God's righteousness and the saving work of Jesus Christ. He has explained that we are justified by faith, that we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, and that those who belong to Christ have been united with Him in His death and resurrection.
In Romans 8, Paul tells believers that the Spirit of God dwells within them and that they have received the Spirit of adoption, by whom they cry, "Abba! Father!"
These are the mercies to which Paul is appealing.
The people he addresses have already been received by God through Jesus Christ. Their standing before Him rests upon the righteousness of their Savior. They belong to the Father, and His Spirit lives within them.
It is to these people that Paul says to present their bodies as living sacrifices.
That order is worth remembering when our willingness to serve seems to have disappeared.
If we begin with our shortcomings, we may find ourselves trying to produce enough love to feel acceptable to God. But when we begin where Paul begins, we remember that the Father has already welcomed us through His Son.
We can come to Him with our reluctance because we belong to Him. We can tell Him the truth about what we have been avoiding, knowing that His mercy has not diminished because we have discovered another area in which we need His help.
And from that place of security, we can hear His invitation to love.
What Does Paul Mean by Being Fervent in Spirit?
Romans 12:11 deserves a closer look because its language can easily trouble someone who is already struggling with motivation.
The word translated slothful carries the idea of hesitation or sluggishness in attending to something worthwhile. The word translated fervent conveys the picture of something heated or boiling.
Paul is describing an earnestness in serving the Lord. He wants believers to be diligent in the love they express toward one another.
There is some discussion among interpreters about whether the word spirit in this verse refers primarily to the believer's own spirit or to the Holy Spirit. Either understanding fits Paul's larger concern that Christian service should be marked by earnest devotion. And throughout his letters, Paul makes clear that the Christian life is lived through the enabling presence of God's Spirit.
What is particularly important here is the setting of Paul's instruction.
In verses 9–13, Paul is describing the life of genuine Christian love. He speaks of brotherly affection, honoring one another, rejoicing in hope, remaining patient in tribulation, and contributing to the needs of fellow believers.
His call to diligence belongs within this picture of a Christian community in which people genuinely care for one another.
Consider how that changes the way we hear his words.
The person you have been meaning to call is someone Christ loves. Perhaps they have been lonely or frightened. Maybe they have been hoping someone from church would remember them.
When you take time to listen, you have an opportunity to express something of the affection Paul is describing.
And because Paul concludes his instruction with "serve the Lord," that ordinary act of care belongs within your worship of Christ.
You may have thought of worship primarily in terms of prayer, Scripture reading, or gathering with other believers. Yet Romans 12 enlarges our understanding. Presenting our bodies to God includes the use of our time and attention in the service of others.
A conversation offered in love can become part of the living sacrifice Paul describes.
There is something wonderfully encouraging about that. Much of the Christian life unfolds in circumstances that seem quite ordinary. The Lord gives us opportunities to express His love within the relationships He has already placed before us.
When We Know the Good and Keep Postponing It
There are times when our reluctance deserves an honest examination.
Perhaps you really have had an opportunity to help someone and have repeatedly chosen your own convenience. You know what you promised, and you recognize that you have been avoiding it.
James gives us a reason to take such matters seriously.
In James 4:13–17, he addresses people who speak confidently about their plans for tomorrow while failing to acknowledge their dependence upon the Lord. Their lives are uncertain, and they cannot presume upon the future. James concludes by warning that knowing the right thing to do and failing to do it is sin.
His immediate concern involves self-directed planning and the neglect of God's will. Yet the principle also helps us consider the good we knowingly leave undone.
We should be careful in applying it. Scripture does not require us to respond to every possible need or accept every request for our time. We are finite people, and the Lord has given us different responsibilities.
But sometimes we recognize that love is calling us to act, and we would rather preserve our own comfort.
When that happens, we can acknowledge it before our Father.
Perhaps our prayer is as simple as this:
"Father, I know I've been avoiding this person because I don't want to be inconvenienced. I would rather keep the evening for myself. Thank You for receiving me through Your Son. Please help me see this person with the affection You are teaching me to have."
There is no need to dress up our motives when we come to God. He already knows them, and He has provided for our sins through Jesus Christ.
John reminds believers that when we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9). He also points us to Jesus Christ, our advocate with the Father.
We can receive that assurance and go forward.
Yet before concluding that every instance of reluctance comes from selfishness, there is another part of Scripture we need to consider.
Sometimes Our Strength Has Been Spent
I think we need to be especially gentle with brothers and sisters who are already carrying a great deal.
Someone caring for a seriously ill spouse may have been sleeping poorly for weeks. A person grieving the loss of someone dear may struggle to manage responsibilities that once seemed easy. Another believer may be dealing with illness or emotional exhaustion that few people know about.
Such people may hear Romans 12:11 and conclude that they are disappointing the Lord because they cannot summon the energy to do more.
Yet consider how Jesus treated His disciples in Mark 6.
They had been occupied with the needs of so many people that they had hardly found time to eat. Jesus saw their circumstances and invited them to come away with Him and rest for a while.
The account does not suggest that every feeling of reluctance should be treated as exhaustion. It does, however, show us that our Lord recognizes the bodily limitations of those who serve Him.
We find another moving example in 1 Kings 19.
Elijah had fled into the wilderness after Jezebel threatened his life. Overwhelmed and discouraged, he asked that he might die. God provided food and water, allowed him to sleep, and sustained him for the journey ahead. Later, the Lord addressed Elijah's fears and instructed him concerning the work that remained.
God dealt with Elijah as a whole person whose physical condition and spiritual distress both mattered.
Paul gives us similar wisdom in 1 Thessalonians 5:14:
"Admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all." (ESV)
Notice how carefully Paul distinguishes among the needs of believers.
The idle need admonition. The fainthearted need encouragement. The weak need help. And patience is to accompany our dealings with everyone.
We should carry that wisdom into our understanding of our own reluctance.
If we have been avoiding something because we are unwilling to love, we may need correction. If our strength has been spent, we may need someone to come alongside us.
Sometimes both concerns are present, and a trusted Christian friend can help us think through them.
And if you are the one who has been caring faithfully for others, please remember that you are also a member of Christ's body.
You are allowed to receive the care you have so generously offered.
There may be great kindness in telling someone that you are tired and need help. Galatians 6:2 calls believers to bear one another's burdens, and that includes the burdens you have been carrying.
Can God Change What I Want?
We have arrived at what may be the most encouraging part of this study.
What happens when we genuinely want to obey the Lord but discover that our desires are pulling us in another direction?
Paul addresses the relationship between God's work within us and our own obedience in Philippians 2.
The passage begins with an appeal for believers to live in humility and unity, considering the interests of others. Paul then points them to Jesus Christ, who humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death on a cross.
Following that magnificent description of our Savior, Paul writes:
"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13, ESV)
The words are especially meaningful when we consider the question of willingness.
Paul says that God works within His people in their willing as well as their doing.
The context matters. Philippians 2:12 calls believers to work out their salvation with fear and trembling. Paul is addressing a Christian community that must put its salvation into practice through humble obedience and loving concern for one another.
Then verse 13 gives the reason they can respond: God Himself is at work within them.
The expression translated works carries the sense of effective activity. Paul is describing God's continuing work among and within His people, bringing about what pleases Him.
This gives us wonderful reason to pray about our desires.
If you discover that you would rather avoid someone who needs your attention, you can ask the Father to increase your love for them. You can trust that He is already at work in the lives of His children, shaping their willingness and enabling their obedience.
And there is another encouragement here.
You do not have to wait until all reluctance disappears before responding to what God has shown you.
Suppose you have prayed honestly and still feel somewhat unwilling. You pick up the phone anyway. You begin the conversation, and as your friend speaks, you ask the Lord to help you listen with genuine concern.
Your attention and effort are involved. You are making a real choice to love.
At the same time, you are depending upon the God who works within you.
Paul holds these truths together. The believer's activity is meaningful because God Himself is working.
Perhaps as the conversation continues, you begin to appreciate what your friend has been experiencing. You find yourself caring more deeply than you did when you first picked up the phone.
Or perhaps the conversation remains difficult, and you finish it still feeling tired.
Either way, you have been given an opportunity to walk in dependence upon Christ.
Your changing feelings need not become the measure of whether you have responded faithfully.
Living from Christ, Who Is Our Life
This brings us to the beautiful teaching of Jesus in John 15.
On the evening before His crucifixion, Jesus spoke to His disciples about their continuing relationship with Him. He told them that He was the true vine and that they were the branches.
Then He said:
"Abide in me, and I in you." (John 15:4, ESV)
And a little later:
"Apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5, ESV)
Jesus uses the relationship between a vine and its branches to describe the dependence of His disciples upon Him.
A branch draws its life from the vine. Its fruitfulness depends upon that continuing relationship.
There is an important distinction here that has become especially dear to me in understanding the abiding life.
Those who have trusted in Christ already belong to Him. Paul tells us that we have been united with Christ in His death and resurrection (Romans 6:3–5). He tells us that our life is hidden with Christ in God and that Christ is our life (Colossians 3:3–4).
Our union with Christ is God's gracious work. We do not bring it into existence through the quality of our obedience, nor do we preserve it by maintaining a particular feeling of devotion.
When Jesus calls His disciples to abide in Him, He is calling them to continue in dependence upon the One to whom they belong.
And notice what Jesus includes as He explains this abiding relationship.
He speaks about His words remaining in His disciples. He invites them to pray. He calls them to keep His commandments and remain in His love.
Then He gives them this command:
"Love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12, ESV)
The love we are considering in Romans 12 belongs within the life Jesus describes in John 15.
As we spend time in His Word, we come to understand more of His love for us and His heart toward others. We begin to recognize our selfish desires more readily. We learn to bring those desires before Him and ask for His help.
And in the ordinary circumstances of our days, we have opportunities to respond to what He has shown us.
Paul describes the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, and love stands at the beginning of that description.
What an encouragement it is to remember that the Spirit who produces this fruit already dwells within those who belong to Christ.
When we discover that our love seems small, we can come to Him who loves without measure.
We can ask Him to deepen our affection for the person before us. We can depend upon His Spirit as we take the next step.
And we can do so knowing that our Father delights in the work He is accomplishing in His children.
What About the Days When We Still Feel Nothing?
There may be days when you understand these truths and yet experience very little change in how you feel.
You have prayed. You have read the Scriptures. You know the Lord calls you to love, but the willingness you hoped would come has not arrived.
Please do not conclude that Christ has withdrawn His life from you.
Our feelings can change considerably from one day to another. They may be affected by tiredness, disappointment, illness, or circumstances we have hardly had time to understand.
And although our desires matter, we do not need to make them the final authority over our decisions.
Consider the encouragement of Galatians 5:16, where Paul calls believers to walk by the Spirit.
Walking suggests the ordinary course of life, with its continuing choices and opportunities to respond to God.
You may begin a difficult day feeling reluctant to serve. Yet as you remember the truth of God's Word, you can acknowledge that reluctance and ask the Lord to guide your response.
Perhaps the good before you is quite small. You can write a brief message to someone who is lonely. You can listen patiently to a family member who needs your attention. You can follow through on a commitment you have been avoiding.
These ordinary choices give expression to the love God is cultivating within His people.
And as you learn to live from Christ, you may begin to notice that your willingness is growing.
There may also be days when you notice very little. You can still trust the Lord with the work He is accomplishing in you.
He knows your heart far better than you do.
When Loving Others Becomes Discouraging
There is another reason our willingness may fade.
Sometimes we have been serving faithfully for a long time, and the results seem painfully small.
Perhaps you have spent months encouraging someone who continues to struggle. You have listened to their concerns and prayed for them repeatedly, yet their circumstances remain much the same.
You begin to wonder whether your efforts are accomplishing anything.
Paul speaks directly to this temptation in Galatians 6:
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9, ESV)
We need to read this promise carefully.
In the preceding verses, Paul contrasts sowing to the flesh with sowing to the Spirit. He warns that the way we live has consequences, and he speaks of reaping eternal life from the Spirit.
Throughout Galatians, Paul has insisted that sinners are justified through faith in Jesus Christ. Eternal life is God's gift. The life of the Spirit is the life of those who have been brought to God through Christ.
His encouragement to persevere in doing good belongs within that larger teaching.
We should therefore be cautious about turning Galatians 6:9 into a promise that our service will produce the particular earthly outcome we hope to see.
The person you are helping may continue to struggle. Their circumstances may remain difficult despite your faithful attention. You may never know how much your kindness meant to them.
Paul directs our hope beyond the results we can presently observe. He encourages believers to continue in the Spirit-led life with confidence in God's promised harvest.
That gives us freedom to love someone without requiring a visible return for our efforts.
We can offer encouragement and entrust the outcome to the Lord.
And when our responsibilities become too great, we can remember that Galatians 6 also calls us to bear one another's burdens. Persevering in love does not mean that every burden must remain on our own shoulders.
The body of Christ has many members, and each has been given a place in its shared life.
Sometimes faithful service includes asking another believer to help.
Learning to See the Person Before Us
I would like to return to the person you have been meaning to call.
Perhaps you have been thinking about that person throughout this article. You can picture them now, and you remember how difficult things have been for them.
For a moment, consider how the Lord has cared for you.
Think of the patience He has shown you through the years. Think of the mercy that received you when you had nothing to offer Him. Remember how Christ loved you and gave Himself for you.
Paul says in Romans 5:8 that God showed His love for us while we were still sinners.
That love has become the foundation of your life.
And now the Lord invites you to extend something of the care you have received to another person.
Perhaps you can make that call today.
You may want to begin by acknowledging that you meant to call sooner. Then ask how they have been doing and give them room to speak.
You need not have wonderful advice or an answer to every concern they raise.
You can simply be present, listening as someone who belongs to Christ and cares about another member of His body.
And if you discover that you are genuinely unable to offer more right now, you can be truthful about that as well. Perhaps you can help connect them with someone else who is able to share their burden.
Love is expressed in the care we give, and sometimes in the help we seek on another person's behalf.
What matters is that we continue learning to regard one another with the affection Paul describes.
Come to the One Who Gives Rest
There is one final passage I would love for us to remember.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28, ESV)
In its original setting, Jesus is inviting burdened people to come to Him, take His yoke, and learn from Him.
He describes Himself as gentle and lowly in heart.
I find that especially comforting when considering our failures and our weariness.
The same Savior who commands His disciples to love one another invites the weary to come to Him.
He knows our limitations. He knows when our hearts are reluctant and when our strength has been spent.
He also knows the mercy He has secured for us through His death and resurrection.
If you have been avoiding something you know is good, you can come to Him and acknowledge it. If you have been serving until you are exhausted, you can come to Him with that weariness.
His invitation remains.
And as you continue walking with Him, His Word will help you recognize opportunities to love. His Spirit will be at work within you, and His grace will remain sufficient for you.
You belong to Christ.
You have received His life.
And the Father who began His good work in you is faithful to carry it forward.
Perhaps there is someone you can care for today. Perhaps today you need to let another believer care for you.
In either circumstance, you can look to the Lord Jesus with confidence.
He is gentle with His children, and He is faithful in all that He has promised.
A Prayer for a Willing Heart
Father, thank You for loving us through Your Son and receiving us as Your children.
You know how easily our willingness can fade. Sometimes we choose our own comfort when someone needs our attention. At other times, we are simply tired and need the care of those You have placed around us.
Please help us recognize these things honestly and bring them before You with confidence in Your mercy.
Thank You that Jesus has borne our sins and that His righteousness is ours through faith. Thank You that Your Spirit dwells within us and that You are at work in our willing and our doing.
Teach us to see others with the affection You are cultivating in our hearts. Help us respond to Your Word as we depend upon Christ, who is our life.
And when we grow weary, remind us of the gentle invitation of Your Son to come to Him and find rest for our souls.
We trust You with the work You are accomplishing in us and with the people You have given us to love.
In Jesus' name, amen.